anger - don't allow it ???

I'm back!! what questions do i have!
i was asked a question on monday as to where my anger comes from. what causes it and what is really going on for me. the other question is why am i passionate (i.e. do i like hunting and fishing so much) about hunting/fishing.
i couldn't really answer that in that moment.
I have known that i have had an anger issue for a long time. things make me mad, people make me mad, circumstances make me mad and a lot of times, life just makes me mad. i do know that i have felt that my anger is too much and therefore, i have to stuff it so far down that i don't allow it to be shown. oh but it does show up!! i tend to take it out on the closest thing to me whether it be a wall, the floor or any other object i can find. i usually do this when people aren't looking or i town it down if they are close by. my family just looks at me and wonders why i do that and just tell me to calm down. what if i don't want to calm down, what if i just want to scream at the top of my lungs? will that really make me feel better? will anybody want to be near me or will they be to scared of me? i apparently make people uneasy sometimes just by the way i stand and the way i just look around at things.  i am not scary. what do i do with this and how do i allow it to come out and not cause myself or others harm?
this is why i am meeting with someone to talk about this. i can't keep it stuffed anymore!! i want to live and be able to feel all the emotions and know that i am o.k. and that i am not to much for people and that they still care enough about me to want to be in relationship with me.
i feel like i'm rambling... how do you even write in an orderly fashion?
to be continued,,,,