??

I don't know!! i am hurt, i feel broken, i feel like i'm a failure. i feel like all i will ever do is fail. i need help and i don't know who to ask or if anyone really even cares!!!! i need GOD!! I need him to show up for me and to help me and tell me that it is going to be ok! i need to know that there is HOPE and that it really is present. why can't i "be a man"?? what is that really supposed to look like? am i really lovable? i really don't know that i am (or at least that is what i feel). i am wishing that things could look drastically different. how do those changes come about? i want and need answers!! i was handed a bunch of information and i don't know what to do with it.the easy out would be to run and don't look back. that is not who i am or what i want to do! i need help to fight for me and the 2 people i love the most. I need you GOD. Please help me and show me how to be the man that you created me to be. i don't want to lose my family! show me how to lament and draw closer to you.